You don’t need the black Apple Watch Ultra 2.
There's nothing really new here. This is the same as the regular Ultra 2. The only difference is that it's black. That's all. It must be remembered: the Ultra 2 costs $800. I think we rational people can all agree that upgrading for that would just be ridiculous. Only a new color. This would be a no-brainer if the black Ultra 2 was ugly.
Unfortunately, it looks terrible.
This is the Apple Watch Batman would buy. Never mind that it looks like a small brick on my wrists. As I put it on for a photo shoot, I feel something wash over me. I'm no longer a sleep-drunk tech critic hunched over an overpriced coffee. I'm a leather-clad vampire assassin, calmly sipping his espresso on a cobblestone street. The new black Reflections watch face instantly scores me 1,000 Mystery Points. Switching to the Flux watch face transforms me into a tech-savvy corporate goth. A grown-up former emo girl who files her taxes on time during the day but still mentally fools the man because, look, I wore my combat boots to work. (Never mind that they have orthotics.) I'm posing for photos and a Wall Street girl walks past me. “Get it, sister,” she says, eyeing my all-black ensemble.
When I return to the office, edge Coworkers who already own Ultras rush to my desk. Their faces are pinched and filled with pain. They look at me with hopeful eyes and ask, “Should I buy this?” And I whisper, “No.” We all know that's pointless. The only way to resist temptation is to give in to it. We carry on anyway.
Nothing I do with this new black Ultra 2 is different from my regular Ultra 2. And yet, sitting on the charger, the latter looks abandoned and shabby next to the dull darkness of this inky usurper. Until I notice a barely perceptible crack. Really, you wouldn't see it if I didn't point it out to you. I I only notice it because I keep staring at this watch. But now I'm wondering how scratch-resistant the custom-blasted black titanium finish with “diamond-like carbon coating from physical vapor deposition” really is. That can only be found out through rigorous long-term testing. I plan to wear the cool black watch more often. For science. Not at all because I want to feel cool.
1/5
As I write this, I'm having a hard time deciding which of these stark photos will ultimately make it to the website. The aura is impeccable. After a while, I start waxing philosophical about colors on personal devices. Why does the pink iPhone 16 spark joy while my “deep purple” iPhone 14 Pro Max fills me with fervent rage? Why am I irrationally happy when something comes in a color I like? Why does the search for the perfect nail polish color scratch a deep-seated itch in my brain? I'm falling down a Wikipedia rabbit hole, but the ultimate answer is because I like it and it makes me feel something. Life is hard, the news is grim, and with each year that passes, I'm acutely aware of how rarely I allow myself to feel childlike joy.
There is absolutely no point in buying the black Ultra 2 – especially if you already have one. everyone Buying must be done intelligently. Sometimes, and only if it does no harm, you can buy something simply because it is fun.